The Revelation of Realization

How we got from where we were to were we're going and the lesson the LORD taught me in-between

By Steven Keller

I think in our own frail minds we like to assume that God’s paths are straight, to the point, easy to read. In reality, I believe the roads we travel are far from direct. God is teaching my family this lesson, in this season of our life, right now. Back in 2020, we opened Simply Risen Coffeehouse. Many of you received letters that this was the new life God was molding for us, that we were entering a new mission field for the community of Ozark. And we did. Not only did we succeed in getting the shop operational, but we got the coffee shop to where it was starting to turn into a viable business. Yet, through it all, there was a pull. A pull that beckoned Ang and I back.

For a while, I personally thought it was a selfish desire. A desire for security and freedom. Simply Risen, indeed, had grown to become a brand in Ozark, but where it was failing, was being able to provide a stable income, moreover, it was draining all our savings. We would pray for provision, pray for relief, but the relief wouldn’t come. So many times I sat up late at night, wondering where the Lord was, wondering if we would prosper or fail. No answer. I think, the lack of hearing spurned from a different place… a place where there actually was no answer. The way I had looked at our company was flawed, and I had fallen into the trap of placing God into the little handmade box I’d made for Him.

The realization came on a cool spring afternoon the sun covered by a blanket of grey overcast…

Tuesday was normally a workday, so the feeling of stringing up a hammock at my house to utilize seemed a foreign concept. After all, I should be pulling espresso and blending drinks. Truth be told, my sister was in town taking over my role at the shop for training purposes and so that I could search for other lines of employment to temporarily make ends meet. That day, and almost everyday for the past two weeks, I had gone all around town, to outlying communities as well, just searching for a job where my skills could be used, and everyday, I would be met with a silent phone, I was exhausted. As I swung from side to side, I asked myself a question that would haunt me for several weeks after, “Why am I trying to be someone I’m not, If I know I was made for something else.” I knew we, as a family, were made for missions but, was it possible I heard God wrong? No. God had clearly imparted this idea of Simply Risen. But if that was the case, why was it not sustainable? I was vexed. Confused. Then, my heart sunk. Simply Risen wasn’t a “pass or fail”, it was all about learning, gaining wisdom, discovery of the self and the family unit. Truly, Ang and I had both learned a ton. The coffeeshop had fulfilled its purpose in our lives, now it was time to let it fulfill the lives of the next torchbearers.

And so, the thought was complete. Simply Risen would be sold.

However, I’m not an easy person to sway, and though I knew missions was what I sought, I had decided that it wouldn’t be my reality yet. Shortly afterward, I felt I still needed an income since we had bills to pay and an empty bank account, after all, money wasn’t going to appear out of thin air. With all my options spent, and my printed resumes dispersed but not gaining traction, I put my application at a temp agency and was hired within a week to work as a cobbler in an assembly line at a RedWing Boot factory. It was torture for my soul in every way. What had I done, where had I gone wrong, I begged God to put me elsewhere, yet there were still no replies from the many other locations I’d put in for employment. Again I had made up my mind and put God in a box, He must have put me where I was to make money. A few weeks in, the notion of God putting me in this positioned cut into my very being, and I decided to leave God out of it. Me, myself, and I would make as much money as I could for my family to live happy and comfortable, even if that meant I had to move somewhere else, take on more jobs, buy real estate, do whatever it took to do it. God was out of the picture.

Sure we went to church, played on the worship team, said prayers, but to me, God was absent at the moment, and I, alone, the only person present.

Of course, God wouldn’t have that kind of notion swirling around in my head for long. The following Sunday’s message would wreck me to my core, a similar word echoing back to the catalyst of that fateful spring morning. “Just Be” was the focus that day. Be who the Lord made you to be because of Jesus. I realized that I had been trying to prove to God that my resolve was unmatched, that I could do whatever He wanted, that I was worthy of His love, worthy of His blessing… But I didn’t need to do that, I was already worthy. He deemed all of his creation worthy of love. This proof that I was trying to show Him, He didn’t need. Realistically, I wanted a perfect life and I subsequently thought that if I just did the coffeeshop thing to the best of my abilities, that’s what God would want and He would bless me and love me generously. That I would get what was coming to me. When that didn’t happen I assumed He was amused with my antics, that He laughed at my failures, and when I would want to do something and the plan would fall through or buy something that brought me joy and I’d have to sell it or it broke, that that was His way of “getting back at me for doing it wrong” or His way of telling me “You’re not worthy enough”.

If you wanted to see the definition of a spoiled brat, or the perfect example of spiritual immaturity, look at my previous 6 months.

These themes would also circle back, I would try to “get back” at God, and towards the end of this rollercoaster, even tell Him He isn’t worthy of my love because He hadn’t done enough.

I am not proud of where I was and have been, but acknowledging past sins and mistakes are part of the healing process. It hurt most when I discovered He wasn’t only doing enough, He was blessing my socks off, I was just too blind to see it. I thought I knew what blessing looked like, what prosperity looked like…

I couldn’t have been farther from the truth.

A few weeks prior to the “Just Be” sermon, I found a car I had been wanting to buy for the past decade. It was a vehicle I had back in high school, sold and regretted selling ever since. When It was purchased by my parents with the money from a previous vehicle, it ran and drove, but until recently, just stopped running. I was upset, and as per the usual scape goat, blamed God for the small SUVs fallacies. The Saturday before the fateful sermon, I told my dad I would fly out to California and fix it, obviously distraught that after taking it to several mechanics, little progress was being made. I was determined, my resolve would not be broken, I WOULD go no matter what… it hurt my father who was now equally upset and disturbed about the scenario. Sundays sermon came the following day and later I received a text from dad. He wanted to fix the car with me.

Before there was a Suzuki Samurai, there was a 68’ Ford F100. My first truck. I wanted my dad and I to work on it together, but one thing lead to another and it ended up sold. A small seed of bitterness was planted that day and I didn’t realize it until he said he told me he wanted to make it right and work on the rig together. I was crushed. I literally blamed God for wanting to restore a broken piece of my dad and I’s relationship, and using my dream car to do it. I felt like a complete fool. Thats when I started looking at other points along the journey. Places I had been angry with the Lord, the times I wished I were living a different life… and yet, looking back at all these bitter moments, I started noticing the sweetness, the friendships, the growth, and in the midst of it all, a good and loving God.

This is the antithesis. The point at which my future would pivot end over end. The moment I discovered that true blessing from God doesn’t look like having what we want, when we want it. That fulfillment doesn’t look like perpetual happiness. That purpose doesn’t have to look like a perfectly straight path. That I can’t put God in a box of my own creation and assume I know everything about His character and nature based on life’s circumstances.

At all times, it’s important to realize, Jesus died so that we could “Just Be” who He made us to be. If we want to live in His presence and in His light, if we want to live in His purpose and fulfillment, we have to be able to see beyond the face-value of happenstance.

It is for this reason our household has decided to walk into the Lords calling for our life. Looking beyond what this Earth may see as failure, counting it all to the glory of our God. We are taking a leap of faith becoming missionaries again, and for once, we feel at peace about it. Missions was where we were called, and missions is where we’ll go until the good LORD calls us to another curve in the road. But where God is, we must follow, and follow to the very best of our abilities.